Ole School 80’s Crazy: Our first date was enjoyable. Karaoke and laughs over a decent meal. It’s birthday time for me and my girls and I celebrate all month. Well, Mr. Ole School 80’s Crazy is growing impatient and is asking why I haven’t shared any birthday celebration festivities with him. It’s NBA Championship time so I suggest we watch one of the games together tomorrow (which would have been Sunday). Sunday morning, Mr. Ole School 80’s Crazy calls and informs me that he’s at the Wharf buying seafood. (Passing Thought: That sounds good. I hope he’s not planning to invite me over his house. It’s too soon for all of that.) He explains some story about going over somebody’s house to prepare it or something. I’m now realizing that I found it often difficult to follow his style of conversation. Sometime before we got off the phone we agreed to meet at about 7-8PM at the same Sports Bar we’d originally met in. Earlier during our courtship Mr. Ole School 80’s Crazy had asked where I lived. I gave him the same general answer I give everyone. River Terrace. Anyone from this city knows exactly where that is. Around 7ish, Mr. Ole School 80’s Crazy calls and asks me for my address.
SSSSSCCCCCRREEEAAAAACCCCHHHH. Ummmm, that would be a NO SIR. Anyway, we finally agreed to meet at a mutual location. Well I get there and Mr. Ole School 80’s Crazy politely asks the waiter to bring him a carry out tray upon our arrival and seating. Wait a minute. We haven’t even ordered drinks. Why do you need a carry out tray. Well, ladies and gentlemen. He had decided to bring his very own seafood including Steamed Alaskan Crab Legs and Spiced Shrimp into the sports bar we had chosen to go to to watch the game. Ummmmmm, yea, so I really don’t think this is going to work out and I exit stage-right.
1st date. Summer day. We’re on our way to the movies. I think we were going to see Spider Man III. My date asks “Do you feel like riding to the mall with me?”. Apparently he had a few small items that didn’t fit that he wanted to return. I’m going with the flow and not in any particular rush. Besides, what women turns down a trip to the mall as part of their date. I say “Sure. Why not!”. We arrive at Tyson’s Corner Galleria and he proceeds to the store that he needs to make his return. Later I realized he either kept a few of these so-called returnables or exchanged them for something else because he still had the bag. We exit the first store and casually begin looking around in a few more stores. I peeked into one store to admire a blouse that I had actually seen earlier in the week at a mall closer to my house. I asked his general opinion. He wasn’t a fan of the blouse and I really wasn’t 100% sold on it either so I placed it back on the rack. I proceed to head up towards the cash register area where the accessories are located to see if there was anything of interest in that area as he remained generally in the front entrance area of the store. After deciding there was nothing for me, we exited the store. Shortly after exiting the store, he realized his shoe was untied and and asked me to take the bag he had. I unknowingly took the bag, patiently waited for him to finish his small detail and we kept prancing through the mall quite happily at first. He suddenly informs me that there is something in the bag (which I am now holding for me). “Awe how sweet” is my initial thought. But wait a minute, there wouldn’t have been anything of interest for me in the first store where he initially made his return except all-weather boots. I don’t recall him asking me what size shoe I wore and this bag isn’t heavy enough to contain a pair of boots. My curiosity alone pulled my line of vision through a slight scan across the top of the bag. Low and behold its the blouse from the store I peeked in. Wait a minute, I know I put that blouse back on the rack. As a matter of fact, I distinctly remember him saying it had too many ruffles when I asked for his feedback. AND, I (not him) went up to the front of the store to stifle through their accessories. I don’t remember ever seeing him up by the cash register. Hold up. I know this M*F*K*R did not just shop lift this blouse on our first date. No. I have to be lunching. I mention to him that I didn’t recall him going up to the cash register. He insists that he did. I know I’m not crazy. I’m immediately cold and distant and why the F* am I still holding this bag. I handed him the bag and proceeded to the car. I wanted to call someone to come get me, but I’m generally an honest person and there was absolutely no way I (the always so smart person that everyone always comes to for advice) could ever explain this to anyone, friend, family or foe. I get back into the car with this date and we proceed back to the city. At this point, I guess he thought we were on our way to the movies in China Town. The minute he reached the traffic light at 7th & H, I politely unlocked the door and got out of the car. This jerk had the nerve to ask me if I was going to take the blouse. I told him he could keep it and said goodbye. I decided to go ahead and catch a movie alone since I was there already and caught the subway home. He still continued to call and I still continued to ignore the calls. Needless to say we never spoke again after that.